It's natural to want to make children feel better when they're anxious. However, by attempting to shield children from the things that irritate them, you may unintentionally exacerbate anxiety. The most effective strategy to help children overcome anxiety is to teach them how to deal with anxiety when it arises. They will get less nervous with practice.
When a youngster becomes angry in an unpleasant scenario and their parents remove them from the issue, the child learns that becoming upset is a useful method to cope. Instead, parents should reassure their children that they will be fine, even if they are terrified. You can't guarantee that nothing bad will happen to your child. However, you might convey confidence that they will be able to overcome their anxieties and become less scared with time.
You can demonstrate empathy to your child without agreeing with their anxieties. For example, you might say: “I know you’re scared to get this shot. It’s okay to be scared. You can get through this, and I’m going to help you.” Avoiding leading inquiries ("Are you worried about the test tomorrow?") is usually beneficial. Ask open-ended inquiries instead ("How do you feel about the test tomorrow?"). You may show your child that you're calm by using your tone of voice and body language, which can help them stay calm as well.
Additionally, parents can assist by occupying children prior to potentially stressful events such as doctor's appointments. Talking with your child about what may happen if their worries come true can be helpful at times. How would they react? Where would they turn for assistance? A strategy can help reduce anxiety.
Finally, parents can serve as positive role models for managing anxiety. Even parents have anxiety, and that's okay! The objective is to demonstrate to your youngster that nervousness is common and need not be a big concern.
1. The goal isn’t to eliminate anxiety, but to help a child manage it.
Although no one wants to see a child in pain, attempting to shield children from the stresses that cause anxiety isn't the best course of action. It aims to teach children how to manage their anxiety and carry on as normally as possible even when they're feeling nervous. And as a result, the worry will gradually go better.
2. Don’t avoid things just because they make a child anxious.
In the short run, children will feel better if you help them avoid the things they are scared of, but in the long run, it will just make their anxiety worse. Let's imagine that a young child encounters discomfort and begins to weep — not out of malice, but rather because that's how they feel. A youngster learns a coping technique when their parents whisk them away or take away the object they are terrified of. And there's a chance that cycle will continue.
3. Express positive — but realistic — expectations.
You can't assure a youngster that their worries are unfounded—that they won't make a mistake on a test, that ice skating will be enjoyable, or that another kid won't tease them during show and tell. However, you may reassure them that everything will be fine and that they can handle it. And you can assure them that when they confront their worries, their level of worry will gradually decrease. This offers them assurance that you have reasonable expectations for them and that you won't ask them to perform anything they're not capable of.
4. Respect their feelings, but don’t empower them.
It's crucial to realize that validation isn't the same as agreement all the time. Therefore, if a youngster is scared of visiting the doctor because they need a shot, you shouldn't minimize their worries but you also shouldn't play up their importance. Your goal should be to empathize with them, help them understand the source of their anxiety, and give them the confidence they need to tackle their worries. What you want to convey is, “I know you’re scared, and that’s okay, and I’m here, and I’m going to help you get through this.”
5. Don’t ask leading questions.
Encourage your child to express their emotions, but refrain from asking them pointed questions such, "Are you nervous about the big test? Do you fear competing in the scientific fair? Simply ask open-ended questions to prevent contributing to the worry cycle: “How are you feeling about the science fair?”
6. Don’t reinforce the child’s fears.
You don't want to convey that this is something you should be terrified of by way of your tone of voice or body language. Let's imagine that a child has a bad memory of a dog. You might be afraid about how they'll act the next time they're around a dog and accidentally convey that they should be concerned.
7. Encourage the child to tolerate their anxiety.
The last thing you want to do is convey through your speech or body language that "Maybe this is something you should be afraid of." Consider the case when a youngster has a bad encounter with a dog. The next time they're around a dog, you might be scared about how they'll react and unwittingly convey that they should be concerned.
8. Try to keep the anticipatory period short.
The hardest part of facing our fears usually comes right before we act. The anticipatory phase should therefore be minimized or eliminated as a general rule for parents. You shouldn't start a conversation about going to the doctor with a frightened youngster two hours before you go because that will probably only make them more agitated. So simply strive to cut that time as much as possible.
9. Think things through with the child.
It can be beneficial to discuss what would happen if a child's fear came true—how would they handle it? A child who is worried about being separated from their parents may be concerned about what would happen if a parent did not come to pick them up. As a result, we discuss it. What would you do if your mother did not arrive at the conclusion of soccer practice? "Well, I'd tell the coach that my mother isn't here." What do you believe the coach would do? "Well, he'd call my mother." Or he'd stay with me." A child who is worried that a stranger will be coming to pick them up can have their parents give them a code word that everyone sent will know. For some children, having a plan might help to reduce uncertainty in a healthy and productive way.
10. Try to model healthy ways of handling anxiety.
By showing children how you manage your own worry, you may support them in a variety of ways. If you constantly moaning over the phone to a buddy that you can't handle the stress or the anxiety, kids are perceptive and they will pick up on it. While I don't advocate hiding your tension or anxiety from children, I do advocate showing them how you can handle it with grace and satisfaction.
